


The Things You Left Behind

by Harvestqueen



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, Romance, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 18:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7856341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harvestqueen/pseuds/Harvestqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shura left with only a letter for his love, she assumes.<br/>Sequel to You Deserve Better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel story to another Shura/Corrin story I have written, so it would probably be a good idea to read that one first. Or not. Be a rebel.

Everything feels empty again, like it felt the entire time I was locked up in the tower growing up. Nearly everything is the same though. I’m in the same room I fell asleep in, sitting on the bed I fell asleep in. My family is still with me, although now more worried than before. My life isn’t like how it was in the tower, I can leave whenever I want. I can be surrounded by people in an instant.

But he’s not here with me. The man I fell asleep beside is gone, and right now that’s all I’m feeling. It’s as if everything is different, just from the one change. 

“Corrin.” I’m snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of Elise’s voice. I look up at her and she looks concerned. My royal sisters found me like this, or more Sakura did. She ran off when she read the letter, got the others. I’m not sure why she thought everyone was necessary, but I didn’t feel like telling them to leave.

“What?” I ask, trying to focus on her. Out of the corner of my eye I see the blue haired princess who I’ve gotten so close to, sitting silently in the corner. I close my eyes so I don’t have to think of her.

“Are you alright?” She asks and I swallow. I want to tell her that of course I’m not alright, nothing feels alright. I feel incredibly childish to be thinking these thoughts. I’m a grown woman, leader of an army of people, sitting here wanting to break down over a man.

Not just over a man, over Shura. Over someone I love.

Before I can answer though, Camilla takes a seat beside me. “Of course she isn’t alright… It’s okay darling. We are all here for you.” She pulls me into a hug, but it takes me about two seconds to squirm my way out of it.

“Please don’t do this.” I groan and move higher up the bed. If they start doing this, the big production of emotions, I will actually break down, and feel even more foolish about the entire situation.

“We will find him for you. No one hurts our sister.” Hinoka growls, stepping forward towards the bed. I feel completely surrounded, happy that Sakura and Azura are staying to the side. 

“Hinoka, Shura was an outlaw for twenty years. If he doesn’t want to be found, we’re never going to find him,” I say. 

The room goes silent. I sit back against the wall, still in bed. I know that they just want to help, but there’s nothing they can do. Not with everything feeling this fresh, this open. I look up at Azura and bite my lip. I have to say something. None of this is normal, there are no clear rules for how to handle anything like this, but I know that staying quiet, ignoring the letter they have all read by now, is a bad way to handle everything. I didn’t care if the rest of them read it or not, but I know she deserved to. She deserved to know what happened to her.

“I… Didn’t know what he had done. He had never told me any of that,” I tell her quietly.

“I know. He wouldn’t have told you.” She says and looks at me. “I’m fine now. The past is the past. Right?”

I don’t know how to respond to her. What can I possibly say? If that’s what she truly believes, that the past is the past, then nothing I say will matter anyway. If it isn’t what she believes, then anything I say will just hurt her further, or be a lie.

I can’t tell her that I hate him. Even after reading the letter fifty times over, again and again, I can’t hate him. I had thought it through, done the math. Around the time he would have taken the job to kidnap Azura from Nohr, he would have been a teenager. It would have been not long after the time Kohga had been invaded. He probably didn’t have all that much of a choice, he was doing what he had to do.

People can change, and Shura is living proof. The man I love isn’t the same one that kidnapped Azura. The man I love is sweet, kind, caring. He’s too hard on himself though, holding onto the past far too long. I knew it had haunted him, what he had to do, but he was so good at never showing that side to me. 

I wish he had. Although it never mattered how many times I said I wanted him, insisted that he was more than good enough for me. His past controlled him, what he did owned his mind and it was all he could ever think.

“Can you guys please leave?” I ask and look up at them. This time they all have looks of concern on their faces. “I need some time alone to think.”

They all get up, one by one give me a hug, and then leave the room. I hate feeling so weak and fragile. At least with them gone it doesn’t matter how I look. 

Everything still feels empty, without them it’s just quiet. I wish he was here to hold me, kiss me and tell me everything is going to be okay. But of course if he was here to do all that I wouldn’t need him here to do it. If he hadn’t left, if he could have just stayed and talked about it.

I know I’m right when I say he won’t be found. There’s almost no point in looking. All it would take is one order and I could have the entire army looking for him, and it’s an option I almost want to use. But what would dragging him back here against his will do? He will still feel the same way, he will still hate himself in ways I can never understand or help.

Then he would just resent me for bringing him back. He wouldn’t love me anymore.

I almost wish he didn’t though. I stand up and walk over to the table where the letter is. I wish he had never written the damn thing. If he was going to leave why bother telling me he still loves me? If he was going to break my heart then he should’ve done it completely, not left me hanging in this torturous limbo. I wish he had said he hated me. That would have hurt more but it would have made sense. I could have moved on. I can’t move on knowing that my love is still out there, knowing that he still wants me too.

I groan in frustration and pace back to my bed, still holding the letter tight. I feel like ripping it to pieces, tearing up the goddamn filthy thing and letting the pieces scatter to the wind. I feel like burning it into a million ashes so I never have to read about how much he hates himself ever again.

But this is the only thing he left behind. Well, this letter, and myself. We are the only things. I can’t bring myself to tear it up, no matter how much I want to.


	2. Chapter 2

Life moves on quickly, at least for everyone else.

I decide early not to cry about it, or be sad about it in public. When we’re going to battle, planning an attack. I will just keep on with my war duties. The army don’t need some heartbroken mopey princess around, they need a leader. Someone strong who can handle something like this.

And that goes well for almost the entire day. I put up my façade, train, work, do my duty, then go to my room and feel hollow and alone again. At least I figured it was going well, but the way everyone looks at me is a clear indication that I am not faking it as well as I thought.

They all look at me with such pity, like a poor little kicked puppy dog. Whenever I sit down for dinner with them I get asked if I’m alright, and when I say I’m fine it’s clear they don’t believe me. My siblings are the most annoying about it. Constantly checking up on me, giving me hugs, telling me it’s going to be okay. Even Takumi and Leo asked if I needed anything, offered hugs. I swear Camilla and Hinoka put them up to that one, they usually stay out of my business. It’s been three weeks since he has left, they still won’t drop it. 

Tonight I’m sitting alone at a smaller table, the one Shura and I used to share night after night. I know this doesn’t help my image of looking sad, but I’d rather look sad and be alone then look happy and normal but be bombarded with questions. 

“Smile.” I hear the familiar voice of Laslow and look up to see his smiling face. He takes a seat across from me and I sigh. I’m almost finished anyway. “Even if it’s fake Princess, you should smile right now.”

“Why?” I ask and he shrugs and takes a sip of his wine.

“If you’re smiling people think you’re alright. If they think you’re alright then they leave you alone,” he says. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? That’s why you’re sitting there instead of with everyone else?”

“Yes. It doesn’t matter though.” I say and look at him. “I don’t feel much like smiling right now.”

“Then I’ll smile enough for the both of us. They’ll probably just think I’m a lunatic, but either way the attention is off of you.”

I laugh for the first time since Shura left. I see Camilla look over and then just go back to eating. Maybe Laslow’s right, smiling so they’ll leave me alone could work. “Thanks.”

“Always a pleasure Princess. I can leave you alone now if you want, go tell them that you’re fine.” He suggests.

I shake my head. “Don’t bother. I’m going to go train soon anyway.”

“At this hour of the night?” He asks and I nod. It’s a routine I’m used to, with or without Shura there. I almost still expect him to be there sometimes, waiting to teach me more of what he knows.

“Yes, the training ground is calmer, quieter.” It is the perfect time to train, unless you want to spar with someone. “Would you like to join me Laslow?”

I can tell he is as taken aback by the question as I am by the fact I asked it. Truth be told, I still don’t want to be with Laslow. He’s kind, but my heart still lies with Shura, and even him leaving can’t change that fact. Still, there has always been something about Laslow that has drawn me to him, the reason I agreed to have tea with him in the first place so many months ago. When you get past the flirtation, he’s a very empathetic person. And his smile is infectious. 

“Yes, I would love to join you Princess.” He smiles. We both get up and clear our plates, despite him not being finished but he insists he doesn’t care. We head to the training ground, passing through the courtyard.

It’s colder than normal. Winter will surely be here soon, signs of it already hang in the air. The ground is near frozen, and each night it only gets worse. Hopefully it won’t snow, fighting a winter war would be difficult. The clouds in the sky are starting to turn grey though, so snow may be coming sooner than I thought.

We go to the training hall and make our way to the weapons rack. Laslow doesn’t hesitate to grab his steel blade, sharpened to a fine edge. I almost go to grab a bow and arrow just off instinct, but instead take a sword much like his. Yato isn’t to train with.

“Since when have you trained at night?” Laslow asks and sets up one of the dummies for me to train on. “I always thought you would train in the morning.”

“I do, train twice a day.” I say and raise my sword. It’s lighter than Yato, I have to adjust myself to that. “Shura and I started training in the evening, it’s habit now.”

“Oh,” he says and sets one up for himself. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I say and then slash at the dummy. “How have you been Laslow?”

As we both attack the dummies with all the energy we have, he tells me about the past three months for him. He leaves out any mention of me rejecting him, and instead goes on about everything else. How he went into town to teach Keaton how to attract girls but Keaton brought a large bug that scared everyone away. Talked about defending Xander with Peri and all the different missions. Having someone talk about something new is a nice change of pace.

“And how are you doing Princess?” He asks and we both pause. “Sorry…”

I stay silent and then burst out laughing at his immediate regret. He seems so sincere in it I can’t help but find it slightly funny. “Laslow don’t worry so much. I’m not so delicate that I’ll burst into tears if I think about my emotions.”

He chuckles and nods. “Alright.”

I stab the dummy. If it was a soldier it would be dead by now. That’s unsettling. “You know the annoying part about all this? No one will just talk to me anymore. It is always about him. And if I change the subject, they barely talk, just look at me… Conversations die when I try to join. I’m sick of it.”

“I can understand how that could be frustrating,” he says and continues to practice. “You can’t move on if they keep bringing him up all the time.”

“I can’t move on anyway. You know, I still check every town we go to. I know we aren’t going to find him, but I check everywhere just to make sure he’s not there. Jakob and Kaze help out.”

“The entire army does that Princess. We were all told to search for him.” He admits. I wasn’t aware of that, but that’s a discussion to have with my family after. 

“You guys are looking for him because my family wants to kill him for abandoning me,” I say, not convinced that they wouldn’t do something like that. They are all disgustingly overprotective, even more than Shura was. 

“And why are you looking for him?”

“Because I’m still in love with him, and I want him to know that.” I swing at the dummy and then drop my sword. “Damnit.” I groan.

“Are you alright Princess?” He asks and I sigh. He walks over to me and picks up my sword.

“Yes. Just been feeling off. My back hurts.” I admit and he nods.

“Well, maybe you should take a break. Go to bed. You can’t keep pushing yourself so hard.” He says. I know he’s right, I have to listen. “I can put away your weapon, clean up here.”

Usually I would say no, but my back really is sore. “Thank you Laslow. And thank you for talking to me. It means a lot.”

“It’s my pleasure.” He beams one of his iconic smiles and goes to put everything away. I turn and leave, walking back to my room.

By the time I’m back I’m exhausted. I take off my armor and collapse into bed. My entire body has been feeling sore all week, today is no different. There is of course an idea as to why at the back of my mind, that I could be pregnant with Shura’s baby. I’ve learned the signs, read about them all when Shura and I started having sex. It was always a possibility. 

But I push that thought out of my mind and close my eyes. I can’t think about that without him here. That will just have to wait for when I have him back.


	3. Chapter 3

As the weeks drag on it gets harder to ignore the symptoms of pregnancy, and harder to hide.

Avoiding people is now a more frequent thing. You can bet that if I can be alone, I will be. I know it worries my family even more, but their worry isn’t what I’m concerned about right now. They can’t know that I’m pregnant, I know how they would react. They would hate Shura even more for leaving me with a baby. What I don’t know is how they would see me. Being pregnant before marriage isn’t something that a Princess should do, especially not with a man like Shura as the father. It is better if I keep it to myself, the best way to protect myself, Shura, and our baby. I know I will have to tell people eventually, probably sooner rather than later.

Finding Shura has become even more of a priority. After missions I offer to hang around in towns, now finding the darkest corners and asking the strangest people if they had seen him. Shura was right when he said he was notorious because almost everyone I talked to had heard of him. No one had seen him lately though. I would do just about anything, offer anyone anything they wanted to get him back. The baby just makes me more frantic.

I never wanted to break down this much after he left, change my entire life over him. If he wanted me to resent him then leaving did the trick, leaving me with this child. I want to hate him. It’s the feeling that I know I should feel, it’s the emotion that’s just out of reach. I tell myself to hate him. I tell myself I do hate him. But when I think that way my stomach twists, and I know I’m wrong. I can’t hate him, no matter how much I want to.

This morning I woke up nauseous, and it only became worse. I’m in my room now, sick to my stomach. My room has become my sanctuary, despite how much I used to avoid it. It’s still quite empty and bare, not enough possessions to my name to fill it up. The bookshelf now houses Shura’s letter though, the memory of him trapped in the paper. There’s a knock on my door.

“Corrin?” It’s Elise who calls out. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” I lie, keeping a bucket close in case I have to puke. 

“Want to come get breakfast?” She asks, my stomach doing a flip just at the thought of eating. “I just want to talk. I really miss you…”

“I can’t right now,” I cover my mouth until my stomach settles, acting up really badly for a moment.

She pushes the door open. “Corrin you can’t-“ she stops when she sees me and rushes over. “Are you alright?” She asks and sits beside me, rubbing my back.

I groan. “I’m fine Elise. I’m just sick okay?” I manage to lie back down in bed. It’s slightly more comfortable, and the nausea feels slightly better. 

“How long have you been sick? Is it from something you ate?” She asks and I just close my eyes and shake my head. “Corrin if you tell me what’s wrong maybe I can help.”

“I have been sick since this morning… And no Elise, you can’t help.” I say and turn my back to her. I can hear her sigh in frustration. It takes a lot to get her worked up.

“You don’t know that I can’t. I have a lot of medicine we could try, maybe some herbs we could make into a tea…”

“You can’t help. Just leave me alone.” I tell her.

That’s when she snaps. “No!” I turn and look at her, still at the edge of my bed. She doesn’t look angry though, more having a mix of sadness and concern in her eyes. “Corrin you can’t keep pushing me away. I’m your sister. You have an entire family here who just wants to help you! We’re all worried sick and you just keep cutting us off. If this is still about Shura… then I’m sorry. It must hurt you so much. But that is what we are here for, what we are trying to help you with. You can’t just give up because he’s gone. I know he hurt you but you can’t just stop caring.”

The hard part is that I know she’s right. I know my entire family is right. I had only known Shura for three months, I had only been in love with him for two. He has been gone for over a month now. I should be over him, I should have moved on like he wanted me to.

I don’t know if it’s because of the baby, or I really am just that deeply in love with him but I can’t. Shura leaving is still a knife to the heart that feels as fresh as if it had happened yesterday.

“Elise…” I sit up and look at her. She’s so innocent, still looking like just a child. It makes it even harder to tell her. But she looks at me so earnestly, with love in her eyes. “I’m… I’m pregnant Elise. That’s why I’m sick.”

Her eyes widen and she covers her mouth. I lay back down, feeling like it took all the energy in the world just to get the words out. “Corrin are you sure?”

“Either I’m pregnant or everything in my body feels wrong for no reason,” I say, resting my hand on my stomach. The nausea is almost gone now, as if getting the secret out released my tension.

“And it is Shura’s, right?”

I suppose she asked that question because she isn’t sure how to respond. She has had a sheltered life, grew up learning that only married people have sex and have babies. Especially a princess. Princesses aren’t supposed to have bastard children. “Yes,” I say, “It is his baby.”

She places her hand on mine, the one resting on my stomach. After the initial shock wears off she seems surprisingly calm. “What are you going to do?”

“What can I do? Raise my baby, take care of them by myself.”

“The family will want to help you know.”

“The family will also want to kill Shura even more after this.” I say and she sighs. “I know you guys hate him, but he is the father to my child.”

“We can keep looking for him,” she says and then hugs me. It’s a bit awkward with me lying down at first, but I hug her back. “We all just want you to be happy.”

The words almost sting in a way because that’s what Shura would say to me. But I know that they won’t leave me behind at least. 

“So he didn’t know you were pregnant when he left?” She asks and I shake my head.

“No, I haven’t even known for that long. He wouldn’t have left if he knew, I know he wouldn’t,” I say. Then again I didn’t think he would leave me at all. “I don’t even have a plan for the baby. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Well, the family will help with that. All of us will, I know it.” She smiles lightly. “You just have to start trusting us again Corrin, okay?”

I nod in agreement, thinking about my family. They weren’t the ones who betrayed me, who left me, and yet they have been the ones I’ve been punishing most. Maybe now that they know about the baby I can start to make things right with them.

Maybe now I can start to actually move on. All that is important now is my baby, keeping them safe. As hard as I know it will be, Shura will have to be an afterthought.

I can’t torture myself over someone who isn’t with me anymore. If we can’t find him soon, he may have to be someone that I leave in my past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is bummer to write because I love Shura but sometimes this stuff has to happen.
> 
> Also bumping this to T just because this fic is just darker than the other one so far? It would probably be fine in general but just for safety sake, it's T now.


	4. Chapter 4

Month after month passes and life moves on, admittedly not in the way I was expecting at all.

I finally tell my family about the pregnancy, and after the initial shock they all agree to help me. I can tell some still find it strange that I’m unmarried and having a baby, but I’m glad none of them bring it up in front of me. 

Camilla got married, to Niles of course, and soon after she announced she was pregnant too. It became easier having someone else who understood the pregnancy, although she has been having an easier time with it than I have. My baby feels like a monster sometimes, like they’re trying to claw their way out of me. It had all the healers in the army concerned, and they all recommended bedrest. 

Being trapped inside, unable to help, is absolute torture most days. I can’t even get up to eat dinner with others, it’s brought to me by Jakob, or sometimes even Laslow. Most days my sisters will come sit with me and we talk, sometimes Leo and Takumi come to keep me company (although they usually end up arguing) and sometimes Ryoma and Xander come. Although they don’t really know what to say ever, and usually just rattle off war talk. At first it was weird, but now I appreciate being kept in the loop by both of them.

All my sisters are currently in my room. Camilla sits up next to me in bed. Even in pregnancy she still looks divine, a perfectly round baby bump. It has actually gotten easier for her as time went on, but in the first months she had bad morning sickness. Hinoka is sitting on the floor looking up at us, Sakura in her usual chair in the corner with Azura, and Elise sitting on my other side. I’m happy for the contact. As bad as bedrest is I’m sure it is necessary. I’m almost ready to give birth, eight months pregnant. 

“Have you thought of a name yet?” Elise asks. She has been the most excited about the baby, aside from me of course. Every day she goes out she’ll come back with something cute she found for the baby, they’ve all collected in a pile that Hinoka is sitting beside. She’s holding a stuffed Pegasus.

“Not yet. I don’t really know a whole lot of baby names, so I haven’t even thought of it.” I admit.

“Once you see your baby you will know the name.” Sakura pipes up with a small smile. “That’s what mother always said. She knew our names right when she saw us.”

“Well, for you,” Hinoka says. “Dad helped her with my name.”

I pause, remembering I won’t have anyone to help me with the name. I try to push that thought out of my head, relax like Shura would have taught me to do during training. Hinoka seems to notice my pause though. “Sorry Corrin.”

“Don’t be.” I smile. “I’m sure Shura would’ve been crap with baby names anyway.”

That gets a laugh out of Camilla, and everyone awkwardly just follows her. I can’t blame them for the awkwardness though, I haven’t talked about him since I told them I was pregnant. I have been working on moving on by myself because it’s something I just assumed they couldn’t help with.

“I’m sure babies would have confused the hell out of him,” I say and sit back in my bed. “He would’ve been happy to have one, but at least for the first year he’d be trying to figure everything out. He’s patient though, so he would’ve been fine.”

They all stay quiet and I try to ignore the silence. To my surprise it’s Azura who talks next. “Did you two ever talk about having kids?”

“Not really. I mean he knew I wanted a family, but we were just kind of going with the relationship. Never planned too far ahead because of the war, you know?” I ask and she nods. I look down at my belly when I feel the baby kick. That one felt normal. “He wasn’t a bad person. Just had really bad things happen to him, and he had to adapt… I think we have all had that to some degree.”

“I wish he would have known I would forgive him…” Azura says quietly and then looks at me. “Do you still love him?”

That’s a question I was never expecting from anyone, mostly not Azura. Everyone else in the room is quiet and my baby kicks softly again. 

“I… Think I do. I don’t think I can ever not care about him,” I say carefully, thinking about each word. “It still hurts to think about how he left, and I know he did that. But it also hurts to think about how much pain he was in. He’s been told his whole life he was never good enough, and obviously there was nothing I could do to change that. He’s been damaged... You don’t stop loving someone just because they’re broken though. I know he still loves me, and as much as I know I shouldn’t, I think I still love him.”

The room is silent and I can almost feel tension in the air. But for the first time I actually feel more free, maybe all I needed to do was say that out loud. Let them actually know. Maybe nothing is about moving on and forgetting the past, it’s just about holding the past close but staying open for the future. The future for me is my baby, Shura’s baby.

“Ryoma told me about the deeprealms,” I say and look back up. “I don’t want to leave my child but it’s safer for them in there. I think that’s what I’m going to do.”

Camilla nods. “Good choice darling. You can visit him anytime, and he’s going to be the happiest little baby in the world with you as a mother.” She smiles warmly.

I laugh and rest my head on her shoulder. For the first time since Shura left I can feel myself moving on. Even though I still love him, I’m sure I will love his baby even more, and that makes me feel less empty.


	5. Chapter 5

“Mama! Come look at the flowers over here!”

Little Kana takes my hand and we run together to a small patch of lavender. His deeprealm is beautiful with flowers all around. He could run around for hours pointing at different flowers showing me, he’s done it before. It’s a very peaceful place to be, even the air feels fresher and smells better than the outer realm. I wish I could live here, for more than just that reason.

He points at the purple flowers with the biggest smile on his face. “Aren’t they so pretty?”

“They are absolutely beautiful Kana,” I say and kneel beside him. “If you lean forward carefully, you can smell them. And these ones smell really good buddy.” I tell him. 

He nods with a look of determination on his face that I can’t help but giggle at. He leans down and sniffs the flowers carefully, then smiles. “Wow, they smell really amazing Mama!”

“See? I told you. Would I ever lie to you?” I laugh and pick him up, hugging him tightly. He laughs too and holds himself close to me. 

“I wish you could stay here with me forever Mama.” Kana says and I sigh, still hugging him.

“I know buddy. I wish I could too. But you know I have to go back and help your aunts and uncles fight in the war so you can come live with me.” I say and he nods.

“Yes. Because I have the bravest Mama in the whole world!” He says and I laugh and stand up, putting him down. 

“I’m glad you think so. Now come on, we still have some time together. How about you go wash up and I’ll prepare us some tea and cookies?” I suggest and he nods enthusiastically, running back inside. I laugh and follow him in to get everything ready.

In the outside realm, it has only been a few weeks since he was born. Time moves quickly in the deeprealm, and before I knew it I had a bouncing seven year old boy, full of energy and love. Being away from him is the worst feeling in the world, but at least I know he’s safe. And when I do get to come play with him he’s overjoyed, and seeing his smiling face is the happiest feeling I get.

He looks like Shura in a way, has his hair and eyes. At first when I saw him I found it quite jarring. My son has Shura’s eyes. Soon enough it changed though, they were Kana’s eyes. If I saw Shura again then he would be the one that had Kana’s eyes. The sweet eyes of my precious son.

There has still been no luck on finding Shura, although I told everyone to keep looking. I know him, he wouldn’t have left if he knew I was pregnant, if he knew he had a son. He would love Kana just as much as I do, it’s impossible to hate him.

“Mama?” I’m snapped out of my thoughts and look down at my son.

“Yes Kana Bean?” I ask and he giggles, sitting down at the table. 

“Can we still have tea and cookies?” He asks and I think for a second, then smirk and nod.

“Yes, of course.” I say and sit down across from him, pouring him some tea. I know it isn’t too hot, and he carefully adds some sugar. I’m surprised he likes tea at all, I used to hate it as a child. Must be something he got from Shura. 

We eat for a bit and he tells me all about the deeprealm. How his caretakers have been extra nice to him, but won’t let him stay up any later even though he believes that he’s a big boy and he should be able to. He tells me about the bird he saw one day with the big blue feathers, but it flew away when he went to say hi. Then he tells me about how Nina came to visit, his cousin. Camilla and Niles’ daughter lives in another deeprealm, but it is very close by. They’re around the same age, so sometimes Niles will bring her here.

“Mommy, why don’t I have a daddy like Nina does?” He asks as he dunks one of his cookies in the tea. I nearly drop the one I’m eating, but compose myself quickly.

“Well,” I start, “Of course you do have a daddy.”

“Then why doesn’t he come to visit?” He asks.

“Well… We don’t know where he is.”

He frowns. “What do you mean?”

“War is… Dangerous.” I say, thinking of how to tell him. I have of course thought about what I’m going to tell him when he would asked, but I would have hoped he would ask when he was older. What can I tell a seven year old, that his dad doesn’t even know he exists? “He got lost, before you were even born. When you were still in my belly. And we’re looking really hard for him.”

“Can I look too?”

I smile lightly. “Maybe, when it’s safe for you to leave here.” I say. “But I don’t want you to worry so much about that, okay? We are going to find him one day, and he’s going to come back and we’re going to be a family. But until then, we have each other, okay?”

He nods. “Okay. Mama?”

“Yes Kana?”

“I love you.”

I laugh and walk over, hugging him tightly. “I love you too.”

I don’t know if I believe my words though, if I’ll ever see the outlaw again. But it doesn’t matter, I have the sweetest kid and he thinks I’m the worlds bravest mama. We don’t need anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's about the sappiest thing I've ever written. But I mean... I'm gunna trilogy this because I still love Shura and just have one more story in me about this pairing that I want to get out. So yes. Hope you guys are still liking these, I'm just kind of writing it for fun but if someone else gets something out of it then hey, that's kinda cool.


End file.
